The American College Dictionary defines the term “Chance”: the absence of reason why an event should turn out one way rather than that of another.” I’ve been trying lately to rap my mind around that definition. We have chance encounters; we often get one more chance. There’s even the chance to be great.” ....
Ever sense my first awkward fumblings with the opposite sex I’ve been trying to find that “something,” but I wasn’t sure just what that was, until the summer of 06’. By “chance”, I found my self at a local bar with some friends. Earlier that day, the TV said it was the hottest day that summer. Normally, I would never go out on a Tuesday, not because I have something against having a drink during the week I just never get a chance to do it. I’d been living a simple life in the north of Michigan near Big Rapids for about two years. When I got the call from a friend about a job that was, according to him, “up my alley” and In Grand Rapids. So, I jumped on it with much vigor. ....
It was so packed at the bar you’d have thought it a Saturday night, but it was hot and I think everyone just wanted a drink, me as well. I sat alone for a time, just sat and watched people interact with each other (while my friends played pool). Watching them fumble for words at some attractive face in front of them trying to be cool trying to be calm. Funny the things that threw our heads when we feel socially uncomfortable, watching faces contort and bodies moving and rubbing in this sweat box of twenty something’s looking for “ Mr. or Miss’s right” or “right now.“ I wished I were one of them without fear, not fear of the dark or impending danger but the kind of fear that works the palm of my hands, when I catch the eye of someone looking directly at me. See I’ve always envied those people that could just walk up to some strangers and talk to them about nothing and laugh with someone new, a chance encounter. Hell, even when I’ve been obviously flirted with I still get the sweaty palms and the jimmy leg, so what chance did I have? So I went to my old stand by, for me it was darts. A game that I take great pride in, not to brag but darts are ”my bag.” I was shooting a great game, when my brother asked me to be a second for pool so I gave up, and it was at that point when I was heading back to return the darts to the bar tender when I heard the most interesting sound I’ve ever heard I’ve been witness to many laughs in my life time, but this laugh was like nothing I’ve ever heard. It was almost indescribable. Like a musical note played through an instrument that suffers from turrets, beautiful and chaotic if you can visualize a long balloon being released to fly around a room up and down and around if that motion had a sound for its “ movement” it would be that laugh. I turned sharply to find the source of this wonderful giggle, but only saw a mess of faces drinks clanking and spilling, under plums of smoke. I could barely see my brother through the crowd, so I made my way to the bar dropped the darts and headed back through the sea of drunken singles. I moved through them like a shark with a small taste of blood in my gills (do sharks have gills?) determined to find the source. I waited till almost 2 am, closing time with no luck and I started to wonder, “did I even hear it? “ ....
I think most people who spend long spans of time alone without a partner tend to become routine bound, chained to the structure that they created for themselves, not to say that people who have partners don’t need or have structure its just based around the “We” As apposed to the “I.“ My routine hasn’t changed in years; it’s the driving force that keeps order in my life. A friend told me once that he always knew when it was 2:15 on Mondays because that was the same time I left my apartment to check the mail and fill the bird feeder God I’ve become predictable, have I become my dad: coffee at 6, breakfast at 9, geritol and Mattlock by noon, then a nap. Ok I’m not that bad yet, I hope. I woke up the next day after the bar still thinking of that laugh trying to put a face to it and wondering why I even cared. How can someone be attracted to a laugh? With not even know if the person whose lungs its left is even real? The alarm I bought from a garage sale earlier in the week starts beeping at that pitch that makes dogs loss their bowels, ugh 6am time to make the coffee. The breeze is hot today; you can hear lawn Mowers working through the neighborhood, sprinklers playing back up for the bird chirps. It’s the kind of summer morning that made you fight with yourself for a reason to be productive. Out of coffee, routine in level orange alert, how did I let that happen? I grab my zip lock and head for the door. I’ve become a bit of a coffee snob over the last few years, not in the “barista snob” sort of way, just in the fact that I need it ground then placed in a zip lock bag as a posed to the traditional brown paper sack. Ok it’s more anal than snobby, snobby just sounds better. I hear the bus coming up the hill. I run down the drive to the stop out of breath. I reach it just as the bus pulls up. I enter without looking up; it’s a short ride to my local grocer. As we start to move down the road I see I’m on the wrong bus, fitting. But I know there’s a shop just down the road. I never use it because it’s out of my price range, but I’m not about to wait for another bus. It pulls up to the curb and announces the stop, I exit just as a gust of worm air grabs the zip lock from my grip and sends it flying toward the parking lot I lunge to it just in time to hear the squealing of tires. I’ve walked out in to the middle of a lane, as the car stopped this girl gets out and starts laying into me about watching where I’m going. She’s cute, short and pointing her finger at me. I apologize for her almost running me over and turn to walk in the store. I grab my cart as I see her in my peripheral she’s getting closer. “Man, she’s going to grill me again.” I thought to my self. “Listen, hey I’m sorry for jumping down your throat. That’s not like me at all. I’m sorry, I’m Kristin.” She said seeming sincere, I smile and say “no problem my fault” we both smile again and head down different isles me toured coffee and her toured what I imagine is brake fluid. ....
Ah coffee so many brands I make my selection dark roast Columbian, as I grab for the scooper I notice that its being used. She has my scoop, what the hell is she doing pouring beans into a box lined with newspaper? That’s little odd I think to myself as I slip my home-brought zip-lock into my back pocket. She really is cute, she must know I’m waiting for the scoop, but I’m patient, man how much coffee does this chick need? She has nice cheekbones; ugh she’s wearing Birkenstocks. She has nice feet too. I start looking for another scoop now. And she looks my way, what a smile it has melting qualities that could, or most likely is causing a lot of trouble for whatever poor shmuck she’s dating. It’s inviting. Small curls at the edge, a hint of a dimple and I image it much more defined when she was younger. Wow who is this girl? I put it out of my mind and start scooping two mid-sized scoops zip turn and go. ....
She’s in front of me now in line, with her box-o-coffee, orange juice and toenail clippers. Funny her toes are perfect: Small slender and pink. Painted just sloppy enough to be neat, she must know the clerk they seem comfortable talking. Can’t hear what’s being said but I’m sure I’m missing some great wild tail of debauchery hatched in some late night frenzy. I look up just as she turns her shoulders slightly down and towards me as the light from the doors peeks through just enough to make a line of dancing dust a perfect line from the sun off her soft shoulders straight to my cheek. I was sharing something warm with this stranger. I think I could have lived in that moment forever, and it was then when I looked from her sun bathed shoulder to her eyes which where in direct line with mine, I almost felt ashamed, like I was in some odd way taking advantage of her. I looked down and as my gaze hit the un-mopped floor, at that one moment I heard that song, that crazy laugh. My eyes move so fast back to her face I must have looked drunk I wanted to say something anything tell her that she’s been I’m my head like wrecking trains like echoes, she’s leaving now bag in tote and off. I left the coffee on the conveyer an just started walking her way trying to think of something perfect to say but my feet were faster than my mind, she was fumbling for her keys as I reached her in the parking lot she saw me she smiled and be for I could say a word,” that’s where I know you from I saw you at the bar playing darts.” I smiled and just said “yes but I didn’t see you”. We stood there in that parking lot for what seemed like an eternity talking about everything it was so weirdly wonderful. And we exchanged numbers finally and she got in her car and was gone I wish I had kissed her I thought to my self, and that was that. ....
I lost the recite with her number and she never called me, I went back to the same store many times, and once talked to the check out girl I thought she new, she said she only met her that day. I guess she’s just that way, easy to talk too. That summer went on slow but now the leaves where changing. I was living in town now just up the hill from the city, I liked the cool air at night from my balcony and would set out their most nights looking at the city skyline, wait back up I’m getting ahead of myself. Ok It was back in September and my job was coming to an end I was wondering what to do, stay here in Grand Rapids or go back north, when my phone rang,” hello”. “Hey Kelly you still looking for a place to live?” It was James a new friend I’d meet in town earlier that month nice enough guy I guess though he was chained to his girlfriend’s hip. I replied “maybe why” “I know this guy who’s breaking up with his girl friend and he needs some one to take over his lease “so I got the guys number and the next day I called I got the ex girlfriend on the line she was puzzled by the whole thing and that’s when it hit me she’s not an ex yet. I single handedly help this stranger on the phone get the one up. She thanked me and hung up well two weeks later, the guy (with the new ex) calls and I end up moving in, .Ok so anyway I was coming home from work walking up my steep long drive and at the door way was a large red dresser setting next to a packed truck of house wares, new neighbors the apartment below me had been vacant. I thought they better not be noisy, and on my way up the stairs their she was, like a sweet slap in the face, she smiled like it was only yesterday that we saw each other and she remembered my name, “Kelly, shit how you doing, you live here too?” “Yeah top floor.” “Wow I live right below you.” She smiled that wonderful smile and I just laughed a little and said. “Awesome”. And three months later she was living on the top floor too, we’ve been together ever since and I still melt every time I hear her laugh.
so in the end i guess we find our selves more often than not making blind choices; choosing to cross the road just a little farther down the street, taking a new way home from work or staying on the wrong buss, that in time affect so many things that are normally blind to us . I think. So many chance encounters, I hope we all take the long way home more often in our lives, go that extra mile on empty. I guess when change hits us by chance, we should take it for what its worth. What ever that means...
....
No comments:
Post a Comment